7 Churches In Revelation | 7 Messages In Marriage

The first page in the book of Revelation is usually where most truth-seekers seem to stop. We’ve all heard the stories about end times, but the idea shutters our desire to understand it. Most people refuse to accept the reality that our existence as we know it, will cease to exist.

Carry The Marriage Banner

But until that time of tribulation, Jesus encourages us to carry on. Of course, He doesn’t want us lounging around gazing up at the sky. We’re expected to practice active patience by serving others as we grow His kingdom.

ReMarriage is an area of ministry where our heart is drawn. We’ve not only been blessed by a second chance at love and family, but Leah and I understand that the marriage model is based on the way God wants to share life with us.

Marriage mirrors God’s relationship model.

God Created Marriage

Marriage is emphasized at the very beginning and end of the bible. It is also emphasized throughout God’s teachings. Adam and Eve are not merely about the creation story, they are about the very first marriage.

It was never just Adam and Eve in the Garden. God was part of the marriage relationship. He walked and talked with them as they did each other. It was only when they turned away from God that their marriage, and thus their relationship with God suffered.

God is the glue that divorce-proofs your marriage.

The first miracle performed by Jesus was at a wedding. This wasn’t a coincidence. This was by design to show the importance of the marriage model as it applies to God’s people and to the way we intimately relate with God.

The book of Revelation, the final book in God’s word, ends with the marriage supper of the Lamb. Read this powerful passage, and allow the heart that God has for marriage to show you how important it is to God.

“Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,

“Hallelujah!
For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns.
Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory,
for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready;
it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”— for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.

And the angel said[a] to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.”

Revelation 19:6-9

7 Churches In Revelation | 7 Messages In Marriage

Admittedly, Revelations doesn’t naturally cry out romance, remarriage and restoration of marital relationships. It’s a no nonsense message to the 7 churches of Asia. We the church are His people and He desires a marriage-model relationship with us, the messages to the 7 churches are also messages about marriage.

The church in Ephesus had forsaken its first love:(Revelation 2:1-7)

This church is similar to the married couples who have remained together and weathered the storms, temptation and trials, but have done so on their own accord. God has been removed from their union. They’ve not experienced His blessings, but instead only endured year after year engrossed in self-reliance.

God wants us to place Him at the head of our marriage. He isn’t a statue set in the corner bookshelf or in a guest room. He’s not a magic lamp to be rubbed when times get tough. God wants an active, vibrant role in your marriage. His light is vital to maintaining the promise of joy in two becoming one in all aspects.

This marriage has not violated their covenant with God or each other, and by many accounts would be looked upon as a solid union. But it’s a two-legged table only propped against a wall. God’s inclusion, as it was in the Garden of Eden, creates the spiritual-strength through a true covenant-based marriage.

The church in Smyrna that suffered persecution:(Revelation 2:8-11)

Couples who remain faithful to God and each other yet live in difficult circumstances are acknowledged by God. Often times the environment places external stressors on a couple that create opportunities for sin and faithlessness.

But, where these couples fall away from the grace of God is that they still cling to the old ways, before they entered into a marriage covenant with Him. Because the couple’s focus isn’t on God’s will, they promote a spirit of discontent that threatens other couples to stumble as well.

These are the couples who are often broken, but are valuable for mentoring other couples through their examples of faithfulness. Their ability to weather the storm holds favor, but they must return to their walk with Christ. God promises to reward them and bless them greatly for their return and service.

The church in Pergamum that needed to repent:(Revelation 2:12-17)

Couples who are married in name only are an affront to the holy institution of marriage. Willfully allowing sin into their home desecrates the covenant taken with God.

Accepting things such as sexual immorality, pornography, irresponsible stewardship, covetousness, or any act of defiance deemed acceptable by the spouses. Many couples just grow weary and seek stimulation from outside sources.

Their carnal need to spice things up, lead them away from God’s will for the sanctity of marriage. God foresees the trials destined to befall couples who preach one thing, yet practice another. He is merciful and patient.

Once the couples find themselves shackled to the bowels of hell by their own sin, He is gracious to answer their pleas of forgiveness.

If your marriage has fallen off the tracks and you’ve turned to the world for spice, please return to Christ for salt. He will magnify your joy and satisfy your desires within the protective boundaries of matrimony.

The church in Thyatira embraced a false prophetess: (Revelation 2:18-29)

These couples genuinely exhibit five qualities: love, faith, service, patient endurance, and greater works. They might have started off on shaky grounds when first married, but they have grown together through time.

Where this couple falls away from God’s favor is the open invitation to false doctrine. They allow sexual immorality to enter into their marriage. Maybe it’s adultery, pornography, or sexual sin, but because they’ve believed a lie, they accept the presence of false beliefs. Rather than confessing and turning back to Christ for forgiveness, they remain locked into a practice of carnal sin.

God still loves these couples and promises them that remain faithful despite the temptations of easy sexual immorality without consequences (big lie) that they will know Jesus Christ in a very intimate relationship.

The church in Sardis had fallen asleep: (Revelation 3:1-6)

These couples put on a fantastic front-facing facade and present themselves in their community as a good, Christian couple. They may attend church services regularly and dress in their finest to go there, but the reality is, they care nothing about their walk with Christ.

Spiritually dead, they party until it’s time for the pew. Their hypocrisy is an affront to God and He has no tolerance for the charade. These couples must repent and seek God’s heart. They’d fare better by just avoiding church altogether as opposed to mocking faith with a once a week side show.

As is the case with a merciful God, He calls those with a heart for Him to seek His voice. Sometimes the old saying “Fake it until you can make it,” applies here. These couples are in God’s house, they just need to come into God’s grace.

God is very clear in His distaste for those who pretend. He’s also very gracious for those who repent and accept Jesus Christ.

The church in Philadelphia had endured patiently: (Revelation 3:7-13)

God has a heart for these couples. While they are not perfect, they are perfect in their prioritizing the bible-based marriage model. God is the head of their family. The married couple come next and followed in importance by their children, whether biological or blended.

These couples avoid strife and that places them on the outskirts of social circles. Others seek to harm them or their reputations with false allegations or blindsided swipes while the couple is not looking.  These couples rest on the blessed assurance that God has them covered.

They are faithful to God, faithful to each other and faithful to their pursuit of the kingdom. These couples don’t have it easy by any means, but because they have endured tough times and persecution for the name of Jesus Christ, they know they are blessed and protected. Full faith defines these couples.

The church in Laodicea had lukewarm faith: (Revelation 3:14-22)

This couple really has no redeeming qualities. They are Godless, wretched and self-absorbed. God would rather them be hot or cold in their pursuit of Him, but the reality that they are lukewarm in their faith causes God to “spit them from His mouth.”

These couples don’t necessarily have to be wealthy, but it’s their materialistic hearts and covetousness spirit that causes the wide expanse between their desire and God’s will. Their non commitment or concern about their relationship with God will bring great rebuke upon the couple, but God does offer a way.

It is the same path we are allowed. Jesus Christ is the only way to the Father. These couples face the same dilemma as the New Testament’s rich, young ruler in Mark 10:17-27. Because he valued his possessions and riches, he turned from Jesus’s offer to sell them and follow Him.

God does desire to share a relationship with these couples. Jesus Christ is waiting right outside their door to be invited into their lives. He not only wants to come into their lives, but He wants to bless them greatly for their faithful seeking and invitation.

Which Couple Are You?

Married couples evolve throughout the course of their lives. Party pals may surrender to Christ and commit their days and ways to serving Him.

Couples who stood on the rock of solemn vows grow distant and detached as time and trials batter their once solid oath.

The goal isn’t to judge, but to assess. A marriage can only be as healthy as the least healthy person in the marriage. It’s a perfect opportunity to grow stronger as a couple.

Marriage On The Rock

Besides our MarriageToday certification as counselors, we were drawn to this course early on in our marriage. We want to pay forward the chance to help other couples the way we were helped.

We want to offer this to you Free. It’s an online course that is private and can be watched at your own time and pace. Every word is bible-based and sound in scripture and principle.

NOTE: I know most guys are going to refuse to watch this. Please, Please, Please ask them to just try one video. I promise, I had the same “resistance,” but thank God I dropped the macho man, and opted for loving husband.

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Blended Bliss and The Simple Life

I have witnessed students in my teaching career who were fully rebelling at new family situations. My personal blended family experience, however, is very positive. What are the differences and factors in these circumstances?

My father and mother divorced when I was 16. My mother had sufficient biblical grounds as my father had committed adultery (Matt. 5:32). With a forgiving heart, she kept trying to make it work.

When she asked what I thought she should do, I said that we couldn’t trust him anymore as he continued his cheating ways. She doubted that she could cope, but she heeded my input and made the break.

After a few years of adjustments and, no doubt, loneliness for her, a gentleman of integrity began courting Mom (alcohol never touched his lips, nor did cursing or harsh words from what I observed). He had lost his wife several years earlier to cancer. He and mom dated for a few years and were married.

New Family Members

My stepdad had three children older than I, all with their own families at various stages. My sister was older with a young family as well. So I did become part of a different sort of blended family.

I’d note that I’m coming from a much less complex experience than that of Leah and Scott Silverii and other blended families with younger children. I was the only youth remaining at home, even at that it was during two years of university and two of early work years.

What strikes my memory is the warmth of reception and interaction between each new adult step-sibling and their young families. We bonded so well.

I took my oldest stepsister’s two boys on a special outing. I attended my new family’s large family Christmas. My wife to be and I also took my stepbrother’s two sons on a special outing. We even had my stepbrother’s son as ringbearer in our wedding.

We didn’t live together as siblings, so there were fewer complications to work through.

My stepdad passed away over seven years ago. I admit that the contact between us step-descendants has basically decreased to nothing, likely since we connected later in life and have different backgrounds. But why did it work so well for the married years of our parents’ lives?

Joy in Renewed, Simple Living

The answer is simple. We were thrilled because our parents were blessed to find each other. They had remained faithful to their God through the death of one spouse and the betrayal of another. His Grace was sufficient.

It’s uncertain whether we as children realized God’s hand at the time, but at least we realized that our parents were gifts to each other.

What a life of contentment I observed between my mother and stepdad: devotions together every morning; church events a priority; daily trips to the coffee hangout for fellowship; enjoying time with all grandchildren; golf or curling weekly together; and all dinners and evenings together.

The pastor commented at the funeral service that my stepdad was a man of contentment. He greeted church goers weekly with a bulletin, handshake, smile, and some humorous banter.

He also ate an apple every evening. The epitome of health and simplicity, yet far from being dull. I learned so much from him, and I’m richer for being part of a blended family.

Situational Factors

I also learned that if my mom and dad had longed for a simple life and prioritized their God, then each other, and thirdly, their children, it likely wouldn’t have come to infidelity and divorce.

Obviously, young children in the middle of fairly selfish years can’t maturely reflect on the benefits of being in a blended family, nor always give the respect, cooperation, and honor their parents deserve. Pray that they increase in grace and gratitude over time.

It certainly helps if the adults are people of integrity. I’ve seen children at school legitimately rebelling at the infidelity, or immorality, or the new relationship established by parents.

Some children are intentionally acting out, for others it is a natural by-product.

But prayer and God’s grace can achieve the supernatural amongst us most natural human beings.

Keep it simple.

Seek the simple things in life.

Do what’s right.

Remember the childhood songs…like Jesus Loves Me.

Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Romans 12:10

Marital Purity Challenge: Day 7

We have loved every day of this challenge, and we pray you have too.

Please share your great news, blessings, revelations between you and your spouse and anything that happened during the challenge.

We’re praying for marriages,
Scott & Leah Silverii

Please share this challenge with couples you care about.

Come On In Guys, The Water’s Fine

No Lifeguard On Duty

Can you really control what thoughts randomly pop into your mind? This is an argument often debated concerning lust and sexual fantasy. The contemporary alibi is that we aren’t capable of prohibiting what thoughts come to mind. The truth is that there’s no such thing as a harmless peep, or a friendly flirt or just one kiss.

Your thoughts are but one piece of the purity pie. But make no mistake, there is nothing but destruction waiting for you to either tip a toe or dive in head first. Sexual sin is waiting to devour you, your wife, your kids and your career. Think twice before jumping in. Here’s how you can control your thoughts and avoid the temptations fraught with failure.

Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. But resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world. – 1 Peter 5:8-9

I’ll confess that I was once restricted to that mindset as well. My greatest threat were the flashes of memories that exploded in my mind involving something horrific that happened while on duty. Faces of victims, or violence I was engaged in, often even fights for my own life. They tormented me for decades.

While learning more about the way the mind works, I discovered that you can indeed control what pops and sticks in your head. This is also a common issue for addiction and rehabilitation practices. Triggers can prompt old thoughts of unrealistic drug highs, promote a false pleasure narrative of pornography’s satisfaction, or even renewed suicide contemplations.

It doesn’t even require a verbal, visual or sensory trigger. Often the mind is conditioned to reflect back on what matters most as far as the mind is concerned. The trick is to “rewire” the brain. I know you’re thinking, okay, this has gone sideways, but bear with me.

Thoughts That Fire Together, Wire Together

Neurological science demonstrates that it is possible through neuroplasticity. That is the brain’s ability to change the neuro pathways and grow new synapses and connections and even new neurons. Still unsure? Read this article, Neuroplasticity: The 10 Fundamentals Of Rewiring Your Brain.

This isn’t voodoo magic. It’s not only scientific in proof, but it’s biblical in origin. Paul talks about this in 2 Corinthians 10:5;

We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ

I used to visualize the old wac-a-mole arcade game when it came time to battling back my demons. I learned that while I developed a process for stopping the destructive thought once it emerged in my mind, it had in fact already entered and even though it might’ve just flashed for a nanosecond, it still caused great pain.

I’d carry a heaviness in my spirit for most of the day. I’d go nights, weeks and months without sleeping. It was also unfair to my wife who unbeknownst to me would lay awake all night. Her heart broke for what she could only imagine my mind and convulsing body was going through.

Also, in the game, the moles are free to find other ways to infiltrate. It was a brother believer who asked me to shift the way I thought about thinking. He said smashing each destructive thought was a good effort, but instead, he suggested that I rely upon Paul’s advice.

…take every thought captive…

Instead of the reactive action, which is always slower than action, he said to implement an active process of capturing every thought. By holding something captive, you exercise control over it. Through this control, you prohibit it’s return, and most importantly the anxiety over that reality that it may return also comes under your dominion.

Does This Apply To Sexual Captivity?

Yes, rewiring your brain is a reality for people chained to the bowels of hell by sexual sin. Adultery and pornography destroy more marriages than almost anything else. Even if the activity isn’t detected or confessed, the stress and strain of concealing sexual sin and the hurt caused to suspicious spouses create immeasurable pain.

Younger adults who grew up with personal computers in the home as kids are much higher at risk for porn addiction than any other demographic in history. Kids and teens who baked their brain with hours of sexual imagery before achieving orgasm through masturbation developed an unnatural and unrealistic mental and physiological dynamic for sex.

The laymen’s thought would suppose as a sexual adult, this group of people would excel at actual sexual relationships with a consenting partner. The opposite is more often true than not. In the course of a normal physical act of lovemaking, it’s physically impossible to stimulate the body and brain for hours upon hours before actually reaching climax.

Also, because of the deep connection to the visual facade of pornography, the adult’s partner could not “live up to” the expectations or false standards created by years of indulging in fantasy.

So what happens now?

Well, the brain wasn’t originally wired to over consume artificial sexual imagery, so that actual intercourse was interrupted. This should be encouraging as it’s also evidence that the brain was artificially rewired for the compulsive consumption of porn. Therefore, the brain can once again be rewired to avoid its lust for pornography.

The process for rewiring your thoughts must include:

• a holy conviction and confession of the associated sins,
• an understanding of the origins of your problem, and
• an effort to bring the past pains that caused the addiction into the light for God’s healing.

The most important points here are that:

• there is only pain and destruction in sexual sin.
• there is only hope Jesus Christ.
• there is no better time than now.

Free yourself of the secrets and fear of detection. Pray about it and then confess your sins and beg for forgiveness.

Lead from the front,

Scott

Toilet Etiquette and Home & Male Improvements

Should males put the toilet seat back down after usage? For being considerate and more sanitary, one would argue yes; for perpetuating inequality one would say no (unbelievably, that was a crazed, blogged argument—forcing men to put the seat down perpetuates gender inequality?!?! …holy cow we’ve become an illogical society!).

Remarkably, it required a spiritual conversion for me to even think of having such consideration. My poor mother was too meek to ask for such consideration. And I, being too male, was too inconsiderate, oblivious, and self-absorbed to think of it (she did have every right to ask nicely…or firmly – hopefully my conversion has been more evident in marriage).

So is this going to be a fault-finding, male-bashing article to portray everything wrong with men?

Well, partly yes (because we’re tough enough to handle it right?). But it’s not intended to emasculate. It’s intended as smelling salts to get us out of our foggy haze or device-induced funk.

Also, I am not a “male feminist.” I’m just a Christian guy who desires for us to get over some of our male stupidity. The kind of stupidity that has athletes claiming that their team’s comeback was an authentic sign of their teammates’ character. (And then I watch as players crosscheck others in the face during my beloved hockey playoffs!).

A final preface…this is also not an attack on manhood. If anything, I’d like to offer an excuse for us. There has been so much focus on the aforementioned affront to equality, that I think guys have become somewhat fearful, confused, or paralyzed in whether to open doors and act chivalrous.

This is pointed at men who are ‘present.’ The male is as valuable to the condition and health of the family as the female. So it’s easy to argue that the downfall of western society relates to the downfall of marriage and absence of the male in the home. But how are males in the home actually doing?

For example, everyone recognizes the Homer Simpson type. He is hilarious but ridiculous. No male truly wants to be that pathetic. But no male wants to be portrayed as the neighbor Ned Flanders either…obnoxiously cheery, religious, and well…apparently feeble.

Answer: Only the Holy Spirit can empower men to be rightly balanced—truly masculine, yet the servant whose ego doesn’t prevent servanthood.

1 Corinthians 3:16:  Do you not know that you are a temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?

It all starts at the practical level – doing the little things. Ah yes, we can point out the true and monumental task of spiritually leading the family. But are we cleaning up after ourselves? Are we putting the seat down or leaving our socks laying around for someone to pick up?

Love languages are great categories of what spouses need, some areas more required than others for specific people. Gift giving, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch are all necessary in caring marriages. But I’d argue that cleaning up after oneself is NOT an act of service – it’s common courtesy, and should be a basic expectation. We need to show courtesy in our own homes, with acts and words.

When teaching government, I often recommend to my female adolescent students to pursue government leadership in the future. My argument: men have been utter failures in government due to their egos and lack of common courtesy – we all see debates and speeches become childish (just to show I’m not overly biased, I can also see the fewer but similarly failed attempts of female politicians to remain dignified and ethical).

In a similar analogy, my wife has always made spring cleaning of the house a family affair. Everyone gets their task. This is sensible since everyone enjoys the benefits of living in the house. Admittedly, it’s not my favorite job as it takes the place of time for repairs or improvements, but there is definitely satisfaction in the end—a feeling of freshness and cleanliness from top to bottom.

Detoxification has become another must in the minds of some health fanatics. Many benefits are claimed through this process (apparently, the key to sustained, healthy living appears to be a cleansed colon). Eating clean is another trendy term nowadays.

Easter just came and went. Some practised a forty-day fast from something that has or could have the potential of becoming an obsession or bad habit in our lives.

Where’s the connection? All these things show that in our society, there is an ultra awareness for staying fit, for keeping things clean, neat, orderly, and healthy.

Then let’s not neglect the simple things like showing common courtesy to our spouses and children. That brings order and health beyond the other processes mentioned. It’s even more important than a physical detox and a spring cleaning!

Is your house in order?  Are you showing common courtesy? Are you cleaning up your own messes—both literally and figuratively?

1. Your house can be seen as your physical body and the temple where God resides. The Holy Spirit lives within you, or does so when you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. But you can quench the ability for the Holy Spirit to empower your life and influence others for good – it doesn’t have to be blatantly evil acts…lacking courtesy would contribute greatly to stifling the Spirit. It doesn’t matter what other successes you garner!

Colossians 4:6:  Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.

2. Your house is the home in which your family lives and grows. The home is where the heart is…and the heart is where your soul lives. It is a gift from God which lasts for eternity, whether in paradise or hell. Being courteous is a grand reflection of the joy and gratitude you possess for recognizing that gift.

I Thessalonians 5:15: See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all people.

3. Your house is the physical house in which you and your family reside. We often go to great expense, effort and time to keep it in repair or to make improvements. We show it care and even respect. Don’t reflect more care for the material over the precious souls with whom you share it.

If a house is a man’s castle, then act like the true King of the universe and be a servant. Devote your life in the big ways, and in the small, to those you call yours. This ultimately makes you an all-sufficient male, not one devoid of consideration and common courtesy.

1 Peter 3:8: To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kind-hearted, and humble in spirit.

Galatians 5:22: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness.

Growing Up Godless

What’s In There?

I, like many others in south Louisiana, grew up in a Catholic household. That’s where God’s influence began and ended. It wasn’t about a particular religion, as it was about having never stepped foot in church. As I got a bit older I noticed there was a Catholic church not far from our home. I often wondered what went on inside of it other than weddings and funerals.

I always knew, trusted, assumed, okay, hoped there was a God. I wasn’t sure though. I’d heard of Jesus Christ but didn’t know how He fit into the picture. Not to mention the Holy Spirit. I had zero idea about the trinity. It was foreign and spooky.

Fear and uncertainty are terrible things to grow up with. But I had no one to share the gospel with me. Why? We were being Catholic, and I assume people thought we were going to that building where they held weddings and funerals.

Show Them; Know Him

Children learn God through the earthly examples set by their dad. To me, God was something detached, silent, and was there to make sure some rules were followed.

“You, fathers … bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”

Ephesians 6:4

I recently shared with my wife that it was seldom that boundaries were set in my childhood and teen years. Never once had anyone said my behavior was unacceptable. We were trusted, but rarely checked on to ensure our paths were correct. While it might sound like a “cool” childhood, in all fairness, I was a child. What did I know about self-restraint and control?

“He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.”

Proverbs 13:24

“Chasten your son while there is hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction.”

Proverbs 19:18

Children crave discipline. I think people in general do too. The bible says it, and it’s the truth. I’m not talking about drill sergeant giving me twenty type, but the discipline God describes in His word. Boundaries channel the moral, spiritual and physical development of children in a positive direction.

Running wild without fences and direction leaves you – lost.

Never Too Late

Men, we have a heavenly obligation to our children. It doesn’t matter if you’re married to their mother, struggling with limited custody visitation, or have come into a child’s life through a blended family. We will be held accountable for the Christ we showed in our kid’s life.

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it”

Proverbs 22:6

If you grew up in a similar household where God was mentioned only in times of great crisis, then you may not know where to begin. God has not called a generation of “Fun Dads,” to raise His children. God will show you what to do and where to begin. The simple answer is it always begins and ends with Him.

“Whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.”

Romans 10:13

You’ve gotta stop hem hawing and take a stand by dropping to your knees. God is the only game in town that gives more once you do less. Surrender to Him. Dudes, submission isn’t a sign of weakness. He’s the king and creator – you cannot ever out do Him. You can only destroy your child’s life by raising them Godless.

I was blessed to have met people along the path who cared enough to be bold in sharing God’s word with me. Had they not, my life would’ve been destined to damnation without the mercies of Jesus Christ.

Do you love your kids? I mean truly love your kids?

Then why allow the world to raise them? Are you willing to chance whether or not some stranger in the future may or may not share the gospel with your very own child? Why don’t you remove the risk and do it yourself? You don’t have to be a great preacher or memorize bible verses to share Christ with your kids.

I guarantee if you place God first in your life, even before your wife and kids, that God will provide for your family. You know, actually it’s not my place to make that guarantee. That is God’s solemn, gold-seal assurance.

Please don’t allow your innocent kids to grow up in a home without God. It’s a place of uncertainty, and not only do they deserve better, but you will be blessed by them.

Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame when they contend with their opponents in court.

Psalm 127:3-5

Think You Don’t Matter?

This is serious dad data:

• 40% of the children in the United States have not seen their father for a year!
• In the last 15 years “fatherless” children jumped from 10.2 million to 15.6 million.
• 70% of juveniles in detention centers and reformatories are children of fatherless homes.
• Statistics indicate that “violent criminals” are overwhelmingly males who grew up without a father’s leadership.
• This includes 60% of America’s rapists, 72% of adolescent murders, and 70% of long-term prison inmates.
• One out of every four high school seniors graduate functionally illiterate.

These are all correctable tragedies. It gets back on track when men commit to uphold their covenant with Christ.

Team Man

I’m one of you, and I’ve been there. I’ll tell you the truth in that while I was living an unaccountable life it was a constant “party.” But it’s not until light hits the bricks that you realize the consequences of your actions. I’m still working to restore relationships, but I’m allowing God to take the lead. I encourage you to do the same.

Lead from the front,

Scott

Fathers and Sons: Oil and Water – Part 1 of 2

The Dilemma

Why can’t we get it right? It’s all so seemingly simple. Man and woman copulate, and their child is born.

Oh look, it’s a boy, and he looks like daddy. Proud dad smiles, softly strokes his calloused palm over the light blue beanie cap the nurse tugged over junior’s funnel-shaped head, and he feels panic.

Boys Need Dad

Boys love their mom, but they desperately need their dad. Around 6 or so years old, young boys begin to identify with dad’s personality and style of play. They begin to solidify genetically encoded characteristics passed on through generations.

By the time puberty strikes and the boy’s testosterone spikes 800%, he’s actively seeking dad as his chaotic body is rushing full-speed into manhood. The teenager needs his dad to guide him through these years. Modelling is critical during this period. It’s a form of monkey see, monkey do.

This father and son relationship goes beyond the physical aspects of maturity. Boys gain their perception of God through their earthly dad. God created that relationship on earth to mirror the relationship He desired with us in heaven.

But when, where and why does it go off the track?

In The Beginning

The relationships between fathers and sons went wrong right from the start. God loved Adam dearly, but His child separated himself from the Father through sin. Instead of confessing his sin and seeking to restore the lost relationship, Adam never apologized to his Father.

In reality, Adam, after trying to hide his deed before being confronted, then blamed Eve. Eve, of course tried to blame the serpent. Adam, God’s very son, who was created in His own image and given authority over every single thing on earth, surrendered his position by refusing to take responsibility for his actions.

Thus, he lived a life separated from an intimate, mentoring existence with his Father.

As a father, it’s a devastating loss.

therefore the LORD God sent him out from the garden of Eden, to cultivate the ground from which he was taken. So He drove the man out; and at the east of the garden of Eden He stationed the cherubim and the flaming sword which turned every direction to guard the way to the tree of life.

Genesis 3:23-24

It wasn’t meant to be this way between us. God the Father created men to be kings and conquerors. Before He breathed life into our form, He said to the Son and the Holy Spirit:

Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; and let them rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky and over the cattle and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.”

Genesis 1:26

Did you see that? Men were created to look, act and be like God. Not be God, but be like God. The devil tried that, and see how it ended up, but that’s another story. The Father cherished His child. But alas, because of the oil and water between men and boys, the loving dynamic was lost.

A father’s responsibility to their family is indisputable. While a Godly dad can guide his son on a path of wise life choices, a misleading, sin-filled father condemns his children, grandchildren and possibly, his great-grandchildren.

“You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me.”

Exodus 20:5

Generational Sin

I know you’ve heard the phrase, “He’s his father’s son.” It usually isn’t applied in the kindest of conditions. It’s not unusual for dads who are alcoholic to raise sons who drink, or domestic abusers to raise sons who will beat their wife. Why?

It’s generational sin. The failure of the father and son relationship has implications beyond the current condition. It’s a curse placed on young boys before they even have the ability to understand that they’re already behind life’s 8-ball.

Let’s go back to the beginning. I mean to the absolute beginning.

Adam lost a loving relationship with his Father. He and his wife lost their perfect home in paradise. Life apart from his Father became hard, but Adam did go on with living a meager life. In that struggling existence, he had two sons; Cain and Abel.

Cain’s understanding of God was learned by the example his own dad showed. He, too, sinned because of his selfish rebellion. Instead of stealing fruit like his dad, he committed murder. When God confronted Cain, what did he do? He did what his very own dad did back in the Garden. He tried to deny his sin, and again like his dad, Adam, he never confessed, apologized or repented.

⁹ Then the Lord said to Cain, “Where is your brother Abel?”

“I don’t know,” he replied. “Am I my brother’s keeper?”

¹⁰ The Lord said, “What have you done? Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground. ¹¹ Now you are under a curse and driven from the ground, which opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood from your hand. ¹² When you work the ground, it will no longer yield its crops for you. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.”

Genesis 4:9-12

Yes, Cain was indeed “His father’s son.”

Cain, like his dad was exiled. Not only did he lose a relationship with Adam, but also a loving relationship with the Father. Where do you think Cain learned that behavior? From his dad. It’s no different from fathers and sons today.

When Does It Stop

This destructive curse can stop right now, with you.

I want to take one step back before going forward. It’s vital that you truly understand the historical and biblical significance of these examples. While there are numerous examples of fathers failing their sons, there are also encouraging illustrations of fathers fulfilling their God-ordained role.

It’s also important to know that even if the dad is a crumb, there is still hope for the son. That hope is found in God, the Father. Abraham, who was previously known as Abram was cursed with a horrible father, Terah. He was described as a wicked man who believed in many gods and created idols to sell.

Terah even tried to have his son murdered when Nimrod threw the boy into a fiery furnace because Abram opposed his father’s wicked influence. God protected His son. Abraham went on to become a mighty man and the father of many nations.

Men, we are still being called by our heavenly Father to be the men He first created us to be. It doesn’t matter what the relationship with your dad looked like. It’s a curse, but not an excuse. The curse can be broken by relying on God the Father to save you, the way He did for Abram.

I love this verse. It’s encouraging for men. This is also a description of the Godly dad – Alert, Firm, Faith, Courage, Strong and Love.

Be on the alert. Stand firm in the faith. Be men of courage. Be strong. Do everything in love.

1 Corinthians 16:13-14

Reality

I will be very honest with you. Wanting, expressing or even giving it your best shot at creating a positive father/son experience will only last so long. While you may have the will, you don’t have the way. Only through a God-centered reliance will you sustain the relationship between father and son.

Playing catch and buying snacks isn’t what it’s about. Being “Fun” Dad isn’t the answer either. God is the only answer and the example. He created the father/son dynamic through His example of being a loving, yet accountable, heavenly Father. This is shown in two of many biblical examples.

A Father’s Pride

Upon Jesus submitting to baptism:

¹⁶ As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. ¹⁷ And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

Matthew 3:16-17

A Father’s Sorrow

Upon Jesus assuming the sin of the world:

About the ninth hour, Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?” which means,“My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?”

Matthew 27:46

God the Father never forsook His Son. But at the moment Jesus assumed the sin of the world as the perfect sacrifice for our sins, His Father couldn’t look upon Him. God hates sin, but God loves the sinner.

Where To Begin

Son to Dad:

Men, if the relationship with your own dad is strained or non-existent, you must pray God makes the changes in you to bring a restorative relationship. Before you delete this message in anger or disagreement because your dad hurt or offended you, please spend time in expectant prayer about restoration. Allow God to talk to you about this.

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be prolonged in the land which the LORD your God gives you.”

Exodus 20:12

God does not entitle you with the option of judging your father. He commands you to honor him. He adds the caveat that your days will be prolonged. The father/son relationship is vital to having peace in your life. Even if the two of you don’t hang out to watch football, you must work for restoration.

Dad to Son:

Dads, I wish I could convince you that you are in the company of an overwhelming number of other dads who are in the same or similar situation as you are in regards to your relationship with your son.

Don’t just blow it off as something that didn’t work out. Pray to God that He will make the changes in you that your son will come to understand. It’s never too late, and they’re never too old to restore the relationship with your son.

Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth.

Psalms 127:3-4

Dads, whether it’s hurt, anger or ego, we are entrusted to guide our sons into manhood. Remember, we are the example for our boys and where their own perceptions of God will be developed. I know it’s tough, and it gets tougher as we/ they get older.

“Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.”

Colossians 3:21

But, if your relationship with your son brings you pain, recall how the relationship with your father makes you feel. If it was a positive one, doesn’t your son deserve the same? If it was one of dysfunction, do you want to be the one who continues the generational sin of failing relationships? Be the man described in 1 Corinthians 16:13-14, and stop the cycle.

Lead from the front,

Scott

Video Discussion: 6 Questions About Sex

Scott & Leah are following up on her article this week titled, 6 Questions About Sex.

Leah takes a biblical approach to a hot that often remains taboo even among married couples. You’ll be surprised to learn just how open the bible discusses sex between a couple.

We appreciate your overwhelming responses to Leah’s article and look forward to more conversation about an important but often undiscussed topic – SEX.

We hope you’ve gained from this post, Video Discussion: 6 Questions About Sex – please like or comment below.

 

 

 

6 Questions About SEX

Physical intimacy in marriage is often a hot topic (no pun intended). Men and women are vastly different when it comes to personalities, needs, wants, and pretty much everything else in life.

You remember that book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus? Why wouldn’t those differences apply when it comes to sex. Understanding your spouse’s specific needs and wants when in the bedroom is a NECESSITY for a healthy marriage and happy sex life.

6 Common Questions About Sex:

1.) What does the bible say about sex?

The bible has PLENTY to say about sex. The reason marriage and sex go hand in hand is because there is nothing in this world more intimate than joining flesh with another person.

Sex creates a physical bond, so when you do this outside of marriage with multiple partners, you’re hardening yourself to the possibility of that physical bonding.

Sex becomes the hunt for pleasure instead of the desire to love and please your spouse through the physical act.

“Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.” But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.”

1 Corinthians 6:15-17

God loves the idea of sex in marriage. It’s by His design. He wants your sex life to be pleasurable and fun and creative and joyful. But he also wants it to be monogamous.

Sex is shared between two people both physically…and listen to this one…MENTALLY.

When you fantasize, who do you think about? When our thoughts are x-rated, we’re cheating our partner out of the full experience of being totally “in tune” with them.

2.) How often should we be having sex?

From the data I’ve collected, the national average for married couples is sex around seven times per month. That’s a little less than twice per week.

Listen, I get it. I’m a mom. I’m a wife. I’ve got a full-time career. I understand falling into bed and not waking until the alarm goes off in the morning. But here’s the thing. Sex is vital to a healthy marriage.

Sit down with your spouse and communicate about how often sex would be acceptable, and then schedule times to make it happen if your times for intimacy are few and far between.

I don’t know about you guys, but the thought of having sex only seven times per month is kind of depressing. Physical intimacy has to be a topic of communication between all couples.

The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another.

1 Corinthians 7: 3-5

This is a touchy subject for a lot of women. I’m going to step all over a lot of women’s lib toes. It basically boils down to this: Ladies, please your husbands. Just as he should please you. The bible states clearly not to deprive each other.

And let’s be honest, women normally drive this boat. We’re the ones who say we’re too tired, too busy, or too whatever to stop what we’re doing and give our spouse what he needs. It’s selfish.

God says we become one flesh. Stop thinking about yourself and what you don’t want and start thinking about what your spouse needs. (This is the tough love portion of the blog).

There are times when getting my and Scott’s sex drive in line is challenging. He’s a night owl, and I am too (to a point). So we’ll work until four or so in the morning and then crash until the next day.

He’s always got plenty of energy when we go to bed, and he seems to get more energy the later it gets. I’m the exact opposite. My peak energy level is during the day.

Since we both work from home, I’m always happy to take a break for sex during the daytime when I’m at peak energy, or I’m also good first thing in the morning. Scott seems to prefer sex at night when he’s at peak energy.

Those are definitely discussion points all married couples need to have to make sure both are not “deprived.”

Therapists tend to suggest a minimum of one to two times per week for sex. But if one of you shows a higher sex drive than the other, they also advise to err on the side of the one who has the higher sex drive.

Do not deprive each other. Compromise. Sex will strengthen your bond and bring you closer together.

I wouldn’t do well with just once or twice a week. I’d actually be fine with every day, but I think an attainable goal with as busy as we are is every other day or every two days. When we go longer between those times, I start to feel deprived, and boy can you tell it in my moods.

3.) Is there anything too taboo in the bedroom between a husband and wife?

The answer to this is both complicated and simple. God made the marriage relationship for two people to experience amazing sex. For them to explore, be creative, have fun, laugh, and enjoy.

God is all for your pleasure! Don’t feel like relegating yourself to the missionary position is somehow fulfilling biblical restrictions. It’s not.

So the easy answer to this is that as long as each of you are comfortable with what’s happening in the bedroom, then you should enjoy. The only thing God commands is that you stay monogamous, both physically and mentally, to each other.

There are often questions over gray areas such as masturbation, sex toys, and oral sex. We know that masturbation keeps us from giving our whole selves to our partners, especially if we’ve satisfied our own needs, but they’re still waiting for satisfaction.

But the bible doesn’t say anything about masturbating during the sex act with your spouse. As long as you’re pleasing each other and both find the act enjoyable.

Paul gave some guidelines to the Corinthian church:

Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible—but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.

1 Corinthians 10:23-24

So instead of giving specifics, he’s telling you to ask yourself some questions. Is what you’re doing beneficial and pleasing to your spouse? Is it loving? Is it helping your marriage?

This means the answer is going to vary, depending on the couple. Again, this requires communication about sex. And weirdly enough, being physically intimate with someone is often much easier than talking about that physical intimacy.

Broach the subject. There’s no one else who will listen and have your best interests at heart like your spouse.

4.) I don’t feel like we really connect during sex. What are we doing wrong?

Secrets-Sex should be intimate, meaning it’s not just a physical joining but a mental joining as well. The biggest reason that you might not be connecting is that one of you is holding back from the other.

Secrets play a huge part it how intimate a relationship is. If you’re keeping secrets from your spouse, you’re putting distance between you. To truly connect, you both need to communicate with each other, break down walls, and open your hearts.

You can’t have total intimacy without total trust. Don’t hold back from your spouse.

Inadequcy-Another reason for not feeling connected could be feelings of inadequacy. Do you have insecurities about your looks, your weight, your body, your stamina, or performance?

Praise each other in the bedroom, and don’t worry about what you “think” you look like or how you “think” you perform. Your spouse sees you much differently than you see yourself.

Resentment-Do you have resentments toward your spouse? Fights left unresolved? Transgressions that you haven’t forgiven them for?

Trying to bring these issues into the bedroom will definitely put a damper on your ability to be intimate and connect. It’s hard to open yourself to a person when you’re still hiding pockets of anger and resentment.

Exhaustion-We’ve all experienced it. Many of you experience it every day, especially if you’ve got kids.

Scott and I know exactly what this feels like. We both work about a hundred hours a week, and we have six children, five of which are busy with soccer, ballet, drumline, and other school activities.

There are times my eyes want to close the second my head hits the pillow. But I try to stay awake long enough to do two things (because remember my peak time is not at three o’clock in the morning).

1. I stay awake for a bit because Scott is not a snuggler by nature, EXCEPT each night before we fall asleep. It’s really my favorite time of the day.

I get to see a side of him that no one else gets to see. I love those unguarded moments where he holds me close and just talks about whatever is on his heart.

2. I also stay awake to make sure his needs are met. I don’t want to sound like I’m making some huge sacrifice. Believe me, I’m not. I love having sex with my husband. And I don’t want to miss those opportunities to please him.

Pleasing him and giving to him brings me joy. Scott’s love language is acts of service. I want to serve him however I can. And I know the feeling is mutual.

Rejection-Do one of you always initiate sex and the other always reject sex? This is kind of a biggie.

Can you imagine what it feels like to be repeatedly rejected by your spouse? The one person who’s supposed to love you unconditionally and always have your best interests at heart?

This is really one of those times to put yourself in your spouse’s shoes. How would you feel if you worked up the courage to seduce your spouse or flat out ask for sex only to have him/her turn you away?

And then even though you’ve been rejected, you work up the courage to do it again? And again? Though it’s harder and harder to come by that courage, and your spirit becomes more and more crushed.

If you make it a habit to constantly reject your spouse, you’re killing what trust you’ve built between you.

The bible says not to deny each other, and you are the ONLY person who can fulfill those sexual needs.

You’re doing more harm than you think you might be by telling them, “I’m too tired,” or, “I have a headache,” or, “I’m busy.” It’s emotionally, physically, and spiritually damaging to constantly reject your spouse.

5.) How do we overcome past sexual experiences or regrets?

We all bring baggage, on some level, into our marriages. And in case you haven’t noticed, we’re seeing a pretty consistent theme throughout this blog post. TRUST. There has to be trust to achieve true sexual intimacy.

Whether you’re a survivor of abuse, or whether you’ve come from past relationships that have left you wounded. Healing is the first step. God forgives. He promises us this.

And once you’re healed you can work on communicating with your spouse your fears, worries, and needs so you begin to establish those bonds of trust.

What about if your spouse has had multiple sexual partners and you’re wondering if you’ll ever be enough? Or how you compare? Or if you’re too inexperienced? Or if you’re a disappointment? Or if he/she is remembering someone else? Those are doubts satan plants in our minds to shake those foundations of trust.

It’s why communication is so important. These are conversations that need to be had with your spouse. They’re your priority, and making them feel secure, loved, and that they can trust you is vital.

6.) Is pornography ever okay? Even if we watch it together?

There’s pretty heated debate on this. People either feel like it “spices things up” or it’s not hurting anyone. Or they feel like it’s a sin. I feel like the best way to address this is to go directly to the bible.

“To look at a woman lustfully is to commit adultery with her in your heart”

Matthew 5:28

It’s important to understand the difference between fantasy and intimacy. Sex is not just an act for pleasure with no emotional attachment. Lust, fantasy, and porn addiction have taken a massive toll on society, especially men (even in our churches). Many struggle with the addiction. Seventy percent of men ages 18-24 visit various porn sites in a month.

Seventy percent! That’s a staggering statistic. Think how many wives are the victims of mental adultery. So for those who think porn doesn’t hurt anyone, I’d have to say those wives probably disagree.

The bible is pretty clear in the verse above. Watching porn, and looking at others lustfully, is committing adultery with them in your heart.

“Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.”

Proverbs 5:18-19

The bible has more to say about sex than you probably imagined. Trust and communication are key. Sex is not a dirty word. Talk openly about things you liked or disliked. And about things you want. Sex is God’s desire for you and your spouse!

We pray you gained from reading 6 Questions About SEX. If so, please Like & Comment below.

God Bless You,

Leah